West Coast Wives

It's been a while since we've posted here on WCW but the summer has been busy and after recovering from yet another birthday I haven't felt motivated to do anything but sulk. No, I'm partially kidding, but this birthday was a true eye-opener. I had the great idea of having a birthday gathering at the San Diego Hard Rock Hotel Pool Party otherwise known as "Sunburn." This invitation to my friends was received with a few sideways glances (even from my fellow co-blogger!) and a couple of "Really?"s but I was committed to making this happen. My motivations stemmed from all the things you readers are probably aware of; I love day drinking, I love bikinis and heels, I love wearing a lot of makeup, and I love dancing around to obnoxiously loud music. It has also been quite a few years since I've made an appearance at a shindig of this sort so I thought why the hell not. Well here are some harsh truths when a woman of my age decides to step out of her lane and into the world of San Diego's "adult" pool party.

Truth 1- Bikini and Heels are only good in theory

Approaching the birthday festivities I was FOR SURE rocking the adult pool party uniform of bikini + heels. I was so FOR SURE this was gonna be my outfit of choice that whenever my birthday was remotely mentioned I'd reply "Bikini and heels!" Flash forward to the day of, and I'm standing in front of the mirror donning the long awaited gear, and I just CAN'T DO IT. No angle in the mirror and no selfie made me feel the sexiness I thought I'd feel . Reality is, there's only a handful of times I've actually rocked the bikini and heels and it was while I was in Vegas on a 3-day bender which ended with a wardrobe malfunction involving a slip of the kitty. So here I am. Older, wiser, embarrassed that I even thought this was ok... and went for the sensible sandal instead.

Truth 2- PDA's are for Pool Parties

Monkey style never goes out of style. 'Nuff said

Truth 3- Evacuate the Pool at 1pm

Nothing is less refreshing than a dip in the herpes-infested murky pool of drunk douche bags and their gf's dry humping under water. I've made it this many years without an STD and today is not the day I'm playing that kinda Russian roulette. At 3pm the cocktail waitresses spray everyone in and around the swimming pool down with cheap champagne, which means a sugary, sunscreeny sludge fills the pool. Besides, getting wet wasn't part of the agenda when I spent so much time perfecting my contour. Hard Rock Hotel was also kind enough to provide ponchos for those not wanting to get their poolside kaftans wet.